Dante vs the PlayStation 3
by brokibrodinson
Summary: Nero and Dante acquire a copy of Devil May Cry 4. Sort of a crackfic. Rated T for language and shonen-ai. Dante/Nero. Oneshot


A/N: New story! And yeah, new fanbase too. Don't expect anything brilliant, it's just something that occurred to me recently.  
Rated T for language and a tiny amount of shonen-ai.

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On one particularly uneventful day at Devil May Cry HQ, Trish and Lady came back from shopping with a large box in one of their numerous shopping bags. Dante and Nero eyed it suspiciously.

"What's in the box?" asked Dante.

Trish handed it over. "It's a PlayStation 3," she explained. "We found something quite funny whilst walking past a gaming shop. Seems you two are the feature of a new videogame."

"A PlayStation 3!" Nero grabbed the box and looked at it excitedly. "I always wanted one of these!"

Lady found the bag that held Devil May Cry 4 and handed it over as Nero figured out how to plug the PS3 in. As it was set up he grabbed the manual and read over the controls.  
(A/N: I don't remember if the controls are actually in the manual or not but if they're not then they are in this special edition or something, lol, idk.)

"Shotgun first go!" Dante called out as he grabbed a drink from the fridge.

Nero glared at him and reluctantly handed the controller over.

Dante took it and sat next to Nero in his chair. "Now what?" he asked impatiently as the loading screen appeared.

"It's not on yet," Nero explained.

They both watched the opening credits and cinematic attentively, Dante occasionally laughing as he recalled the event, especially at Nero's somewhat poorer defence compared to his own. While he was gesturing somewhat madly, he accidentally pressed Start, going straight into the game and effectively skipping most of the cinematic.  
As he learnt to play Nero, Nero watched, amused. In-game, Nero's Bringer was still in a sling, and Dante kept trying to harness its Snatch technique without much effect.

"Um, I think you're supposed to be shooting him- you," Nero explained as game-Dante fired a volley of bullets in game-Nero's direction.

"Why can't I just use my Bringer?" he demanded, once again jamming Circle – Nero had already provided him with a basic rundown of the controls.

"Because it's still in a sling, dumb arse," Nero retorted. "_You _haven't cut through it yet."

Dante looked mock offended, but he followed the tutorial's directions from then on, successfully completing it. However, once he got up to the real fight against, well, himself, he grew far too excited and paid little attention to game-Nero as he criticised game-Dante's every technique. "What the fuck are you shooting at me for, idiot; I'm behind a fucking wall!" he yelled at the TV.

"Well, it _is _on Human mode..." Nero admitted.

"HUMAN mode?" Dante exclaimed. "What kinda shit is this?"

"Well, you _could _put it on Devil Hunter mode I suppose." Trish commented.

"Yeah, that sounds better." Dante replied, looking at her approvingly.

He went back to the menu and selected Devil Hunter mode, then groaned as he realised he would have to take the tutorial again. "I already know this..." he muttered.  
However, he was careful not to skip the cinematic this time, after all, it wasn't often he got to watch himself fight, he was fairly conceited after all.

In the first cinematic there were several whistles and catcalls from Trish and Lady – after all, they hadn't seen this fight - as game-Nero straddled game-Dante in midair. Admittedly, they were trying to shoot each other's brains out, but still, it was a straddle either way.

Dante grinned at Nero. "You were hot for me even back then, huh?"

To his surprise, Nero grinned lazily back. "Nah, I was just trying to use my sexiness to distract you while I popped a cap in your head."

Dante laughed in delight at this comeback. "You have spent WAY too much time around me, kid."

After the shooting tutorial, the cinematic showed game-Nero do his ridiculously showy replacement of his ammo as he emptied Blue Rose of the capsules, threw up the new bullets and did a little twirl as he caught them in the gun and turned to face where game-Dante had previously stood. However, game-Dante had somehow emerged from behind him.  
"I guess this doesn't quite cut it," he commented, kicking his sword up in the air and catching it, revving it threateningly.

"What is the point of replacing your bullets – and in such a ridiculous manner, I might add – if you're only going to change weapons anyway?" Lady asked sceptically.

"I have absolutely no idea." Nero said, looking somewhat embarrassed.

Dante hugged him with one arm around the shoulders. "Aww, you were just showin' off for me, weren't you, kid?"

"It's not all about you, old man."

Dante pretended to look astonished. "But of course it is!"

Somewhat later Dante was overcome with raucous laughter. "Did you _see that?_" He asked, still snickering. "Nero picks up this huge arse sword and tries to impale me on it and it..." here he collapsed into laughter. "It misses. Fail much, kid."

"Hey, I get you later," Nero defended himself. "On your own sword, no less."

Dante shrugged. "It's nothing that hasn't happened before."

Later, the cinematic showed Nero bashing Dante into the floor with his Bringer. "Ha, got you there, old man!" Nero exclaimed triumphantly.

It could be seen that game-Dante was losing control of his Trigger as he was punched in the face repeatedly.

"What, was the pain turning you on or something?" Nero asked sceptically – he hadn't noticed it at the time of the actual event.

Dante grinned shamelessly. "Probably."

After he was impaled on Rebellion into the statue of Sparda and all that stuff, game-Dante ran off and game-Nero was left as the Order arrived.

"You were a real bastard to just leave me hanging like that with no explanation at all," Nero commented.

"Aw, did you miss me when I was gone?" Dante asked in mock concern.

"What if I did?" Nero asked challengingly.

Dante kissed him swiftly on the mouth. "Then it's all better now and I'll never leave you again," he replied.

Trish smiled at Nero's blush.

"So there any cheats for this thing?" Dante demanded, beginning Mission 2.

THE END

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A/N: So yeah. I am TOTALLY in the Devil May Cry fanbase now, although I am determined to finish You Started It! eventually. It will happen! And I do still read Yu Gi Oh fics so I haven't completely abandoned the fanbase. Yeah this was something I randomly thought of the other day – in class at school no less! – and noted it down in my school diary, determined to write it up later. It will probably come off as out of character so I'm sorry about that. Lady gets only 2 lines because I haven't really played Devil May Cry 3 and she's barely in 4 so I don't know her character very well and Trish is there to fill in additional dialogue I guess. Please Read and Review, even if you tell me it's crap because I can always improve! Although if that's what you're going to say, at least tell me if I did _anything _right?  
Thanks and sayonara!


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